Merry Christmas!

The month of December has been a flurry of activity.

We got our Christmas tree...

Saw the dancers from The Nutcracker Ballet at story time...

I took Charlotte to the Nutcracker Ballet (a 2 hour performance for a 2 year old - risky, yes... but she was so good and she LOVED it)...

Ever since seeing the ballet, Charlotte has been absolutely OBSESSED with all things pertaining to the Nutcracker. She has 2 books that we read several times a day. She prances around the house in a tutu pretending and acting out different parts of the story. She often will introduce herself as "Clara" the little girl from the story. She dances, talks, plays, and even sleeps with her nutcracker. She can be heard humming the tunes to several of the songs and singing the "Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah-ah" chorus of the snow fairies. We listen to the CD just about every day and she dances around recognizing which song goes with which part of the ballet. "Now its da dancing doll!" "Oh! Dis is the part widda MICE!" "Dis is da one widda flexibow lady!" She will also do distinctly different dances for each of these songs; for example, tippy toes, scurrying around like a mouse, the splits, kicking, etc... I will try to get some videos of this on here...

We met up with some friends from Nashville in a little town called Bell Buckle, TN for some Christmas shopping, a visit with Santa, and a buggy ride...

We participated in the neighborhood's annual luminary display. My favorite part was our family walk through the neighborhood and hearing Charlotte say the word "luminary" over and over as she identified each one along the way, "Oh! Look at doze luminaries!... Look! Some MORE luminaries!"

I took her to our church's Christmas Festival concert, live nativity, and nativity display.

We had our Annual Gingerbread Making Extravaganza...

Please notice the nutcracker helping Charlotte decorate her house!

And last night I hosted my first Christmas Eve dinner. I was really excited about it and I felt so grown up being in charge of the dinner. We invited Alison, Phil, and Garrett, and the 2 missionaries from our church. Having a brother serving a mission in Peru, I felt honored to have the missionaries in our home for Christmas - part of me couldn't help thinking that hopefully some nice family in Peru was doing the same thing for him. That same night, before dinner, I got to talk with him on the phone! We love and miss you, Elder Jonny!"

After dinner, we had the Norwegian dessert of Ris Krem, followed by marzipan. I forgot to get a picture of it!

Then we read the Christmas story from the Bible and acted it out. I want to thank all the willing adult participants! Charlotte, you were the perfect mother Mary - gentle, attentive, loving, and in awe of her wondrous baby.

Also, I want to mention that the baby doll playing the role of Baby Jesus was MY baby doll when I was a little girl. She is my sweet Baby Sarah. That doll made her first debut as Baby Jesus ~ 25 years ago!

After writing a note to Santa and leaving out cookies and carrots, it was time for bed!

Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!

And we're back...

It has been a struggle for me to begin posting on here again.

It seems as if the more time goes by, the harder it is to jump back in again.

I love this online journal documenting our family life. I hope those of you who read this enjoy the little snippets from our world, but mostly it is fun for me to look back and see the things we have done.

I have wanted to continue this family blog, but whenever I look at it I am reminded of the reason there is such a big gap in time to begin with. But somethings can be too sacred, too emotionally raw, too taboo for such a public forum.

I have debated whether or not to post something this personal on here, but I have decided that this gap needed to be recognized and given a moment.

***

This summer I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage.

***

It has been 5 months now and still the emotions and sadness of it all come in unexpected waves.

Overall, I'm doing much better. I have learned many things through this experience and one of those things is just how many women and couples go through the loss of a baby. It is devastating. It changes you. And though it can be hard, awkward, and the timing may never be quite right, it has been healing for me to talk about it. That may not be the case for other people and I respect that. But for me, it has been helpful to try to let others know what we have been going through.

For those of you who didn't know about this, I'm sorry this blog is the way you found out. It doesn't mean that I didn't want to share with you. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I desperately wanted everyone to know. It's just, please tell me, how do you make that kind of announcement?

I want to thank my dear husband for his love and support. Daniel, I couldn't get through this without you by my side. This is something that we are going through together and I know the experience has strengthened our relationship. It has given us greater love and appreciation for each other as well as our precious daughter, Charlotte. I know that each moment I have with her is a gift and I am so thankful I have the blessing of being her mother. She brings so much joy and meaning to my life. I love you both.

I am comforted by the message of the gospel and for the knowledge that families can be together forever. This time of year brings awe and wonder as I contemplate the circumstances surrounding the birth of our Savior. While visiting BYU's campus this last fall I went to the Museum of Art and came across this painting of the Nativity by Brian Kershisnik.

The original painting is an impressive 7 feet high and 17 feet wide and takes up an entire wall. It's scale is magnificent. There are many things that I love about this painting - the fatigue that shows in Mary's face, the relieved look on Joseph's, the attending midwives washing their hands... all of this is beautifully depicted. I love the movement that is created as the angels flow across the sky. If you look closely, there are angels of all ages. I have never before paid much attention to infant or child angels in art, but now they have a much greater significance for me. This painting brought tears to my eyes as I thought of my own Baby Angel.

May the joy of what our Savior's birth really means touch your heart as this painting did mine.

God Bless.

Merry Christmas.